Trunks Gets a New Job
by Vegeta-shun
Summary: Story done! Yay! Rated for language. Summary? I think the title is pretty self-explanatory. Keep in mind that I wrote most of this while flying high on coffee.
1. FIRST!

Quick A/N – I know nothing of the accuracy of this storyline with any DBZ series. I don't even claim to know. I don't even care. If you find yourself really confused … I'm sorry? I just hope it's funny. I also don't think I own anything mentioned in this story. All company names, etc. were spawned by the series. Oh well.  
  
  
  
Trunks Gets a New Job  
  
It was an unusually stressful day at Capsule Corporation. Trunks had been awake all night organizing the company's tax returns and planning the next year's budget. He hadn't eaten for 36 hours or slept for an even longer period of time.  
  
He had just hung up the phone with the Hovercraft Capsule manufacturing facility, guiding them through a narrowly averted disaster; A sneaker had gotten lodged in the machines and the owner of the shoe wanted to sue Capsule Corporation for $20 billion based on the destruction of personal property. All very ridiculous. Trunks instructed the Hovercraft Capsule manufacturing facility CEO to inform the employee of their potential liability suit for misplacement of personal property, which included the replacement costs of the machinery, down-time, and peer morale repair. Trunks didn't even know what he was talking about anymore. He was too exhausted. But the employee immediately withdrew his complaint.  
  
The receiver was on its base. Silence. Trunks exhaled and slumped down in his chair. He spoke aloud, not caring if anyone heard him, "The company's not worth this. I'm too young to be trapped in this corporate world! SIGH, I need a break. I can't handle all this pressure. Just 15 minutes of peace is all I--"  
  
The phone rang again.  
  
"Argh! Enough!" Trunks threw the phone across the room, tearing the cord from the wall, including the jack. It smashed into a thousand pieces upon contact with the drywall. He stormed out of the room.  
  
His secretary stood when he exited. "Sir? There's a call on line 2. Shall I tell them you'll call back?"  
  
Trunks swung around and leaned over her desk. "No, no. Take down this message and give it to anyone who calls looking for me."  
  
She uncaps her pen, "Yes, sir?"  
  
"Now copy this carefully. It's imperative you relay this verbatim."  
  
"Yes, I'm ready."  
  
He extended his index finger as if to drill it through the desk. He stabbed the wood surface with each word, "Fuck. You." He paused. "Got it? I didn't see you write it down."  
  
The secretary sat with her jaw gaping. Trunks resumed his walk out of the office. Before he went out the door, he turned to address the room full of white and blue collars alike.  
  
He shouted as loudly as possible, "I'm taking an extended vacation. Solve your own fucking problems!"  
  
****************************************  
  
Later that day, Trunks received a phone call from Goten.  
  
"Trunks, I heard about what you did at Capsule Corporation on the News. What's gotten into you?"  
  
Trunks was lying on the floor with aluminum foil wrapped around his otherwise unclothed body. He was also sporting a flashy 'fire engine red' lipstick, and empty Kleenex boxes on his feet.  
  
"Well Goten … I was thinking … and I don't want to work for Capsule Corp. anymore."  
  
"But you can't do … you can't do what you did!"  
  
"There were too many phone calls."  
  
"But--"  
  
"Those people are morons, Goten. Complete idiots. They would light themselves on fire and dance around in circles singing 'Jingle Bells' if I told them to. I'm sick of it."  
  
Goten knew the job was stressful, but Trunks couldn't just quit! "All right, smart ass. What are you going to do for money, then?"  
  
"Ah ha, I've given that a lot of thought. There's one thing I've always wanted to do, since I was 13 years old. I'm going to --------------"  
  
A/N: CLIFFHANGER! MUAHAHAHahahaha …. Ok, so it's probably not the best cliffhanger in the world, but be prepared for more humor in the chapters to come. Let's just say Trunks isn't very good at his new job. Hee hee hee hee hee ….. 


	2. NEXT!

NEXT CHAPTER  
  
In regards to his new line of work, Trunks said with much delight, "I'm going to … be a sex worker."  
  
There was a shocked Goten on the other side. "A WHAT?!"  
  
"A sex worker. You know, people would hire me to perform sexual favors. It seems like a lot of fun. I think I can make more money doing that than at Capsule Corp. anyway."  
  
"Trunks! You- You can't do that!"  
  
"Why not? Give me one reason."  
  
"Ok, easy. Your father."  
  
Trunks stood up on his Kleenex boxed feet and laughed, "That old man would die for the chance to do it. The only thing to worry about from him is a jealousy fit."  
  
"Ugh. Ok fine. Pan, then. What about her?"  
  
"What about her?! She's a whiny, wishy-washy bitch. Plus she's 10 years younger than us! You can have her, you pedophile. *I'm* going to have thousands of women. Daily."  
  
"You're going to be a male prostitute."  
  
"Potato, potahto."  
  
"Sure. Whatever you say. You're a stud," as Goten's sarcasm got the better of him.  
  
"I'm hot AND sexy. Women will throw themselves at me."  
  
"So how will you start this booming business of yours?"  
  
Trunks was arranging a coat hanger on his head so it stood up like antennae, "I figure I'll wait on the corner. Some gorgeous chick will be overcome by my animal magnetism and she'll hire me. Then she'll tell all her gorgeous girl friends about me, and my reputation will do the rest."  
  
"Uh huh. Well, hate to run, but I have to go."  
  
"Go where?"  
  
"Uh, school."  
  
"But it's 6 o'clock at night."  
  
"So it is. Bye!"  
  
Click. Goten hung up on his crazy ex-best friend.  
  
Trunks placed the phone on its base and began to walk into the kitchen. A few sheets of Aluminum foil fell off him, but the majority of his body was still covered. The Kleenex boxes shuffled across the wood floor and the coat-hanger-antennae lightly scraped on the doorway molding as he passed through it into the kitchen. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Bulma sitting at the table.  
  
Without looking up from a magazine, she addressed her son, "Hi dear. There are some groceries in the fridge."  
  
Trunks thought this was a strange thing for her to say after what he had done at her company earlier that day. Surely, she must have head about it. "Uh, hi Mom. It's okay, I'm really not hungry."  
  
"Well, dinner's at 7."  
  
Neither had moved since Bulma had begun the conversation. Trunks didn't want to move because he didn't want her to see that he was wearing her lipstick, but he was still puzzled, "That's all you have to say to me?"  
  
"What else would I have to saaaAAAYYYY! Oh my God, Trunks!" Bulma had looked up. Trunks was terrified. She continued screaming, "Trunks! What have you done?! Did you cut your hair?!"  
  
"Uh. What?" said a baffled Trunks.  
  
"Your hair!! It looks shorter!"  
  
"No Mom. I didn't touch my hair."  
  
She studied him closely. "Well something looks different. Hmmm …" she shrugged and looked back to the magazine, "Oh well, I guess your dear ole Mom is just going crazy."  
  
Trunks rushed out of the kitchen before Bulma could snap out of her bout of obliviousness – which, admittedly, could be never. But I digress.  
  
Trunks went to his room where he peeled off all the aluminum foil, leaving him stark naked. wink wink Except for the Kleenex-box-shoes, coat-hanger- antennae, and red, red lipstick. Trunks was looking through his closet trying to find clothing that a sex worker might wear. To his frustration, all he saw were five dozen blue corporate suits.  
  
He walked to the doorway, intending to yell to his mother, asking her if his "normal" clothes were in the laundry. However, he reached the doorway and stopped because he had run into his father coming out of the Gravity Chamber. Vegeta turned to face his son who was slightly blushing and wearing nothing but a coat hanger, Kleenex boxes, and lipstick.  
  
Vegeta narrowed his eyes, "What are you doing?"  
  
Hurriedly, Trunks wiped the lipstick off his lips, leaving red smudges on his face and hands. But he still couldn't put a sentence together to answer his father. He stuttered, "I, uh … Well, I - "  
  
"Put some clothes on. I don't want my son, a Prince!, walking around with … everything hanging out."  
  
Snapping out of his stutterings, Trunks shouted, "Clothes! I was looking for clothes. I think Mom is washing them."  
  
Vegeta looked behind Trunks into the room and saw the pile of aluminum foil on the floor. "Whatever. Put on a robe at least and talk to the woman about getting your clothes back."  
  
Vegeta walked away and Trunks ran into his room to grab his bathrobe. He pulled it on and ran back to the kitchen. "Hey Mom-"  
  
"Dinner's at 7, Trunks."  
  
"No Mom, I'm not hungry. Where are my clothes?"  
  
"I fed them to your sister."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Bra."  
  
"Bra *ate* my clothes?!"  
  
Bulma looked up at him with a 'Are you stupid' look and said, "Are you stupid? How could Bra eat your clothes?!"  
  
A confused Trunks protested, "But you said-" Then he saw that his mom had been looking at a bra advertisement in the magazine. He continued his quest for clothes now that he had her attention.  
  
"Where are my clothes, Mom?"  
  
"I threw them out."  
  
"What?! Why?! What will I wear?"  
  
"I threw out your clothes. I didn't like them. And I don't care what you wear."  
  
"SIGH. Can I have some money to buy new ones, then?"  
  
"Okay. Get $300 from your father." Trunks started to walk away, but Bulma grabbed his wrist and spoke very seriously, "Don't. Buy. Socks. No socks! You hear me?!"  
  
"Uh, yeah, Mom. Why?" She didn't answer him, so he walked away to find Vegeta.  
  
And he did find Vegeta. Sitting in a chair. Reading. Or something. Probably not reading, but who cares? Let's say he was reading "The Little Engine That Could." Reading it aloud.  
  
Vegeta, unaware of his son entering the room, " 'I think I can, I think I can, I thiiink .. Iiiii …. caaaannnnn …' NOOOOO! Why can the *train* do it? What can't *I* do it? Why can't I defeat Kakarrot?!"  
  
"Dad?"  
  
Vegeta sat on the book, "What do *you* want?"  
  
"Mom told me you'd give me some money for clothes."  
  
"If it will get you away from me, fine. How much?"  
  
"She said $300 …"  
  
Vegeta eyes Trunks suspiciously. Then he fingered through his wallet, withdrew many bills and handed them to Trunks. "Here's $500. Make sure you buy a lot of socks."  
  
"What the hell is the deal with the socks?!"  
  
"Shut up and just do what I say, boy."  
  
Trunks rolled his eyes, "Whatever." On his way out, he walked by the kitchen, "Bye Mom."  
  
Without looking up from the magazine, she said, "Dinner's at 7."  
  
Trunks looked at his watch. He crinkled his brow, "It's 8 o'clock."  
  
She responded, "Don't forget to take the armadillo."  
  
Trunks scratched his head and walked out to the car - still wearing his robe, Kleenex-box-shoes, and coat-hanger-antennae with red smudges across his face.  
  
A/N ---- So what's with the socks? No, seriously. This is all sorts of fucked up. Ha ha ha. Maaayybybe other people will review this. Lemme know if I'm doing right. Hahaaha .. not that I care, b/c this is damned funny to me ---- but it's nice to hear good things.  
  
Remember … watch out for those socks. Maybe I'll figure out why by the next chapter. And maybe Trunks will start his job. I really don't know. 


	3. THIRD!

A/N – This message is for the fuckheads who accused me of writing a Mary Sue into my other story, "Someone to Live and Die For" -- THIS character (that comes into this chapter) is a Mary Sue, you morons, and she will be damn funny. The very fact that it IS a Mary Sue is funny. I mean … Hahahaha. You'll see.  
  
  
  
  
  
Trunks decided not to fly into the city because it would attract attention. He took the car instead, and found it difficult to work the pedals with boxes on his feet. Somehow, he managed. He got to the city in one piece and parked the car somewhere and began looking for a shop to go into.  
  
Trunks eventually chose a store after wandering the streets for three hours. Nevermind all the incredulous stares he received. The first store was called, "Mocha Bean-a-Cino." It sold coffee, Duh. However, Trunks was quickly thrown out when he insisted that the 54-year old woman at the register was hiding the sexy lingerie from him.  
  
Feeling discouraged, Trunks sulked through the streets hanging his head. He didn't realize he had left Main Street until he walked into a light pole. Ow. He looked around and recognized nothing. It was a barely lit, dirty street, and it was getting cold.  
  
Trunks began to sniffle and cry like a lost 4-year old. But he stopped when he saw a little shop across the street called "Cloud Nine." He walked in. Angels descended from the heavens singing praises of "Halleluiah" and other stuff like that.  
  
Trunks had found what he was looking for. He picked up leather, satin, and velvet clothing. He marveled at how little fabric was used in making each article of clothing. He also picked up several books explaining any position and various "games." Trunks figured with all the repeat business, he would need help with variety.  
  
insert laughter at various places within this next paragraph  
  
He dumped two armfuls of 'merchandise' at the cash register. The girl working there began ringing everything up. Trunks noticed how naturally beautiful she was. Light brown hair fell just below her shoulders and stunning blue eyes intently focused on her job. Her hands were agile, swiftly scanning the copious sex toys and clothing. She was probably around his age; somewhere between 18 and 25, but he wasn't sure.  
  
"I'm going to sleep with women," Trunks said excitedly.  
  
The girl glanced up at him, said nothing, and continued ringing up the items.  
  
Trunks blinked and spoke again, "I'm going to have lots of sex."  
  
Without looking up, she replied, "Most people come here with that intent, sir."  
  
"But I'll be good at it and women will pay me for my services."  
  
She forcibly set down the item she was ringing up and started Trunks in the eyes, "What makes you think that women will pay YOU to sleep with them?"  
  
"Because I'm good at it."  
  
"Then what do you need this book for?" She held up one of them.  
  
Trunks looked at his feet and blushed.  
  
She laughed, "You're blushing?! You can't be modest if you're going to be a successful prostitute!"  
  
Trunks bit his lip.  
  
She looked at him closer. "Are you wearing lipstick?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! You did say you'll be sleeping with women, didn't you? Do you have the slightest idea what women want? Because it sure isn't a fucking over-confident, cross-dressing wacko with a coat hanger bent around his head!"  
  
She stopped. Tears were forming in Trunks' clear blue eyes.  
  
She winced and let out a sigh, "I'm sorry. I just found out today that my boyfriend was cheating on me. I guess I was taking my anger out on you."  
  
A very hurt Trunks said, "It's okay. I'll just leave. I don't want this stuff anymore. Sorry for wasting your time."  
  
"No no! Wait … I think you'd make a great prostitute. With some work. You've definitely got your looks going for you."  
  
Trunks stopped and turned with a shy smile on his face.  
  
"See? That's what I mean. Women will bend over backwards for that, and you could do some kinky stuff with women bent over backwards," she winked and then circled Trunks, looking him up and down. "Hmm, But first we need to fix you up. C'mon into the back and we'll put you in these clothes you picked out."  
  
Trunks followed her to the back, where she handed him a pair of black dress slacks, a deep blue silk button-down shirt, and a black leather jacket. She also gave him a pair of shoes. Trunks refused to wear any socks.  
  
He came out of the dressing room and she gasped. "You look gorgeous! Huh, who woulda thought? Much better than that robe and Kleenex boxes. Well, it's good for your street clothes, but let's get you into something for the bedroom. Try this on." And she threw him a pair of string bikini-like, red underwear.  
  
Trunks caught it and stared at it. "Uhh, I don't think I have to try this on."  
  
"Sure you do. Make sure it fits."  
  
"I feel weird trying it on in the store."  
  
"I can fix that. How about you try it on in my apartment?"  
  
Trunks just stood there and stared at her.  
  
"C'mon. I'm making this easy on you. I'll be your first customer. How much do you charge?"  
  
Trunks still said nothing.  
  
"Okay, tell you what. If you spend the entire night with me, the clothes, the book, and the props are free. Not including the leather jacket, it's about a $700 value. It's a damn good deal."  
  
Trunks said nothing and picked up the coat hanger and put it on his head.  
  
She sighed, "I'll take that as a 'Yes.' We can leave as soon as I bag all your stuff. But the coat hangers stay here!" She snatched it off his head and went to bag everything.  
  
Hey, don't give up on me yet. Funny things ensue … I hope.  
  
The girl from Cloud Nine had to pull Trunks along by the wrist. He had suddenly grown unresponsive. They got to her apartment and she walked in, but Trunks just stood there in the doorway. She looked back and motioned him inside.  
  
He stammered, "But- but- I don't even know your name."  
  
She smiled and walked over to him, "Well I don't know yours either."  
  
"My name's Trunks."  
  
"Nice to meet you, Trunks. I'm Callisto." She pulled his collar so that his ear was only a breath away from her lips and whispers, "Remember my name. You'll be screaming it later."  
  
Trunks turned white and look scared.  
  
She slightly laughed and patted him on the chest, "That's a line you can use to establish your dominance and control."  
  
"Okay," he croaked. Then he cleared his throat, "Now what?"  
  
"You change into what I gave you in the store, then come into my room."  
  
Three minutes later, Trunks entered Callisto's room. It was dimly lit with candles and she was lying on the bed wearing something black and furry. It wasn't an animal in case you were confused  
  
She spoke to him, "I was right. The string bikini style looks fabulous on you."  
  
"It's not very comfortable," as Trunks tugged on the elastic.  
  
"Don't worry. You won't be wearing it for long. Get on the bed with me."  
  
Trunks went over and laid down on the bed. He turned on his back and stiffly laid there with his eyes closed.  
  
"What are you doing?" Callisto asked.  
  
"I dunno. Going to sleep?"  
  
"Oh no you're not." She climbed on top of Trunks and straddled his waist. This opened his eyes. Callisto kissed him hard on the lips. Trunks kissed back but didn't move much. Then Callisto kissed his neck, his chest, the red underwear. He tongue bathed him, etc. Then she stopped.  
  
"You're very hard," she whispered to him.  
  
"I know. I work out a lot. I'm strong, too."  
  
"I wasn't talking about your muscles," her fingers traced circles on his skin.  
  
"Oh ………. Then what are you talking about?"  
  
"This," and he placed her hand on the red material.  
  
"Oh!" Trunks jumped a bit. "Well I had nothing to do with that."  
  
She laughed and rolled him on top of her. Once on top, Trunks knew what to do, though it was 'by the book.'  
  
And blah blah blah, they had lots of sex …. The Next Morning …….  
  
They both woke up and she turned to face him.  
  
"You're a good lay, even though all your moves are old and boring."  
  
"Thanks?"  
  
There was an awkward silence.  
  
Trunks twiddled his thumbs (and toes, hahaheeheehoho), "Well I better go."  
  
She caught him by the wrist, "If you don't mind, I'd like to be a regular customer. With some improvement, you could be phenomenal. Give me your phone number and I'll call you sometime."  
  
Trunks gave her Capsule Corp's phone number and left. He didn't know where the care was parked, so he flew home with all this bags of clothes 'n stuff.  
  
***************************************  
  
He walked in the house and Bulma was still sitting at the kitchen table reading the magazine.  
  
"Dinner's at seven."  
  
"Mom, I lost the car."  
  
"It's okay, I'll grow a new one. Did you buy any socks?"  
  
"Uh, no."  
  
"Good good. Go give them to your father."  
  
Trunks walked away wondering if he should call a doctor for his mom. Then he walked into Vegeta standing next to Trunks' bedroom door in the hallway.  
  
"Where have you been all night, boy?"  
  
"I met a girl at Cloud Nine and we screwed all night in her apartment."  
  
"Did you bring me socks?"  
  
"No, you're weird. Go buy your own socks and leave me alone." Trunks threw the $500 at Vegeta and walked into his room.  
  
  
  
A/N – Mostly I have nothing to say about that. I hope you do though ( 


	4. FOURTH!

FOURTH Chapter! Wooooo!  
  
Trunks sat on his bed with everything from Cloud Nine still in the bags. Callisto's words rang in his head, 'Your moves are old and boring.'  
  
"I guess I need the books more than I thought," said Trunks. And he decided to read them cover-to-cover that night.  
  
So he did and it took him all night, which means he didn't sleep at all…  
  
Which is fantabulous for me, because tired people do/say stupid things (insert maniacal laughter)  
  
Trunks decided to get some breakfast. It was 7am. People eat breakfast at 7am. Well, crazy people who get up that early might. Anyway! Before Trunks left his room, he took out the red bikini underwear and put them on his head. His lavender hair stuck out, and straight up, and other weird angles where the elastic string pulled at it. Veeerry sexy.  
  
He pulled on a pair of jeans. No shirt swoon. He also opened the edible body paint and drew lines on his cheeks, circles around his eyes and mouth, and polka dots on his forehead. Again, tre sexy.  
  
He walked into the kitchen in a daze and shirtless swoon, again. Bulma was still reading the magazine. It was almost as bad as Master Roshi… but not really because Bulma isn't a dirty, horny, old man.  
  
Without looking up, she said, "Dinner's at 7, sweetie."  
  
"It's 7 o'clock now, Mom. I want food."  
  
"Oh! In that case, please do me a favor and mix on the turners."  
  
And Trunks did. Except the 'turner' was a blowtorch and instead of 'mixing' it, he lit it.  
  
"Now what, Mom?"  
  
"Bubble the bowls, please."  
  
So Trunks got out the bowls (no really, they were bowls), but he didn't bubble them. Everyone KNOWS that you don't bubble bowls. Bubbling is only for dinner plates. Trunks melted them instead. Then he turned the torch off and scooped the hot liquid plastic into his mouth. Mmmm… taste the burning.  
  
Enough with food. Trunks wasn't hungry anymore. He put on his leather jacket and Kleenex-box shoes, still sporting the red bikini "hat," and flew off to a street corner.  
  
Except it wasn't a street corner, it was the front steps of Bra's Junior High School. The one that Vegeta brought her to everyday.  
  
Dum-dum-dum!  
  
So Trunks sat and waited for hot chicks to try and pick him up. He sat there an hour and a half and then people started arriving for school. Most children just cried when they walked past him.  
  
Then the inevitable happened…  
  
Trunks fell asleep!! Gasp! Well, he was bored and exhausted. But he only managed to sleep for 5 minutes because then Vegeta showed up with Bra.  
  
Vegeta saw his mess-of-a-son asleep on the school steps and sent Bra inside.  
  
"Wake up, brat!" Trunks didn't even stir.  
  
Vegeta leaned in to Trunks' ear and yelled, "I said WAKE UP!"  
  
Still nothing, so Vegeta kicked Trunks in the head. Trunks startled awake and was quite confused. After all, he had been waiting for sexy women to hire him, and all he saw was Vegeta standing over him.  
  
"Dad? Uhh, sorry. I'm *not* going to sleep with you."  
  
Vegeta's upper lip twitched. Then he grabbed Trunks by the hair and dragged him 100 feet into the air.  
  
Trunks was rubbing his head as Vegeta spoke, "That baka woman may have lost her mind, but don't think that *I* don't know what you're doing."  
  
Goten had predicted this and Trunks had just laughed it off. But now he was *in* the situation and Trunks was petrified. He tried not to show his fear.  
  
Vegeta continued, "I know you're afraid." He smirked, "Don't be."  
  
The malevolent smirk intensified Trunks' fear and he started crying. He flew to his father's feet and hugged his legs.  
  
In between hysterical sobs, Trunks said, "Don't kill me, Dad! I didn't want to go behind your back. I just wanted to make some money and… and…" At this point, Trunks was too consumed by his hysteria to speak. The tears ran down his cheeks and the body paint ran together.  
  
Vegeta pulled Trunks from his legs and aggressively tried to wipe the paint off his face, "You have 5 seconds to shut up and stop crying before my fist goes through your chest." Trunks sniffed and choked his sobs. "Good boy. Now I'm going to have to tell the woman about this-"  
  
"No! You can't tell Mom!"  
  
"Unless you give me half the money you make."  
  
Trunks was slightly disgusted, "You want to be my pimp?"  
  
"Whatever you call it - I just want half the money."  
  
Trunks was still giving Vegeta sideways looks, "All right. I guess I don't have a choice."  
  
"Excellent. Now get to work."  
  
"Fine."  
  
Trunks started to descend toward the school again, but Vegeta grabbed him by the collar.  
  
"Idiot! You can't pick up women outside a Junior High School!"  
  
"What do you know about picking up women, Dad?"  
  
"More than you, brat. Now shut up and come with me."  
  
"But Dad-" Trunks began in protest. But it didn't matter because Vegeta was dragging him downtown.  
  
They landed on the corner in front of Cloud Nine, but Trunks didn't recognize it. Maybe he was thinking about sex. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Or maybe Vegeta was right and Trunks really is just an idiot.  
  
Anyway…  
  
"Dad, where are we?"  
  
Vegeta was scanning the streets, "Sh! Don't speak! Ever. You'll frighten the women. Or make them laugh at you uncontrollably. Either way, it's bad. I need this money, boy. My acquisition of socks is imperative to the mission."  
  
Trunks backed away from Vegeta, "Dad, you're scaring me."  
  
"Hey! What did I tell you about talking?!"  
  
Trunks grumbled at sat down on the curb. He set his head in his hands and immediately fell asleep. But Trunks was soon awakened by Vegeta's voice. Trunks didn't open his eyes, but he still listened.  
  
"Woman! Come here! Yes you! Walk over here now! Good… now what do you think of this boy? Get up, boy. On your feet!"  
  
Vegeta kicked Trunks in the ribs until he stood, looking exhausted with red paint smeared all over his face.  
  
Vegeta continued speaking to the prospective customer, "How much would you pay to sleep with this boy?"  
  
"He looks a bit young for my taste, sir. But the again… I don't know if I can pass him up and still sleep at night. What's his name?" There was something about this woman's voice that seemed not quite right to Trunks, but his brain was still too fuzzy to function clearly.  
  
"His name is Trunks and he's the hottest piece of ass you'll find on this side of town."  
  
A/N: Ew, I can't believe I just wrote that  
  
Okay, now THAT definitely did not sound right, even to Trunks' muddled head. Trunks opened his eyes and managed to focus them on his father. Then he looked at the person standing next to him. His eyes grew wide with horror.  
  
She spoke, "Amen to that brother. I haven't paid for a decent lay in months. All right, I'll give you $300 for 2 hours. And maybe a tip… if he earns it." Her laughter clinched it.  
  
Trunks exploded, "Da-ad! She's a drag queen!"  
  
Vegeta didn't even look at Trunks. "And what's the problem?"  
  
"That's a man dressed as a woman!" Vegeta looked at Trunks and raised an eyebrow. Trunks continued, "I don't swing that way, Dad! No offense to you ma'am, uh, sir. Or… ma'am? Uhh…" Trunks stared at her, confusedly. She winked at him and Trunks just scratched his head.  
  
Vegeta pointed to her, "Trunks! You will spend two hours with this person and you will do whatever they tell you to do! Then you'll meet me back here with the money."  
  
"But Da-ad!" Trunks pleaded.  
  
Vegeta sneered, "And you better have the money."  
  
Trunks scuffed his feet on the sidewalk. The drag queen took Trunks by the arm and led him down the road.  
  
"C'mon stud muffin. I'm gonna make a man of you."  
  
A whimper echoed down the empty streets.  
  
A/N: Hee hee hee. This is the first post of my return! I have a lot written… though most of it isn't for this story. But I think this is a good start. Weeeeee! More Mary Sue action in the next chapter… I think. Maybe. In the meantime, protest the socks! Yay! Hahahahahaha. 


	5. Could it be? Chapter FIVE! Oh bliss...

Chapter FIVE  
  
A/N: Hey, do you really think I would have Trunks "go gay?" Don't be ridiculous! Sure, the cute ones always are… but that is only in what I like to call "reality." So… the story continues:  
  
Did Trunks go through with it? With the drag queen? Of course. But why? Because Vegeta would have kicked his ass if he hadn't. 'Nuff said.  
  
So… Three hours later Trunks went back to the street corner. Without a word, he handed $500 to Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta snickered, "That's a nice tip. You must have done a… good job. Why didn't she walk you back here?"  
  
Trunks muttered quietly, "Cherry Hill was too… tired. She told me I could take what I wanted from her purse as long as I left my phone number." Trunks shuddered.  
  
"I'm proud of you, son. Now let's get to a department store and buy some socks."  
  
"No thanks. I'm gonna stay here and wait for someone to shoot me."  
  
"Suit yourself," and Vegeta took off into the air.  
  
Trunks sat on the street corner and stared at his feet. Then he heard a familiar voice behind him.  
  
"Hey, you never called."  
  
He looked up and saw Callisto smiling down at him. In a defeated tone, he spoke to her clearly, "I just made $500 in three hours."  
  
"Well, I'm glad your purchases are serving you well," she grinned.  
  
"I just made $500 in three hours by sleeping with a man! Oh the horrors I have seen."  
  
Callisto was rather taken aback by the exclamation, but Trunks started rambling, seemingly talking to his feet and forgetting that Callisto was even there.  
  
"Well, he was dressed like a woman and he looked pretty good actually, but he was *definitely* a man. And he was kinda old too, probably about as old as my Dad, but I don't even want to think about that, because then I start thinking about sleeping with my father, and that's some sort of reversed Oedipus syndrome that my therapist said I should discuss with him, but then my therapist doesn't know my father. I think my Dad would kill me… Ah! I can't believe my Dad made me sleep with a drag queen!"  
  
Trunks buried his face in his hands.  
  
Callisto stared at him for a moment with wide eyes. Then she shook her head and shouted, "Your Dad is pimping you out to drag queens?!"  
  
"Uh-huh," Trunks sniffed. "And then he took my money and went to buy socks!"  
  
"The money you made by sleeping with a man?"  
  
"A cross-dressing man… Cherry Hill. I feel so used!" He whimpered and buried his face in his hands again.  
  
"Hey! Cherry Hill… I know her! She comes into the store all the time and buys all sorts of weird—ohhhh…"  
  
Trunks looked up at her with tear-stained cheeks. Callisto ran a hand through his tousled, lavender hair.  
  
She said, "Well I can't do anything about your father or your money. But I can help rebuild your masculinity." She winked, "Come back to my place?"  
  
Trunks slowly nodded and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Callisto kissed him sweetly on the nose and they walked back to her apartment. Unfortunately, Trunks was too tired to perform. He tried, but collapsed and fell asleep half way through. What a loser. Callisto had to turn to her long time friend, "Mr. Vibrator" in order to finish the job.  
  
***************************************  
  
The next morning…  
  
Trunks awoke with a sense of accomplishment that can only arise from two mediocre nights on the job. Oh boy, what a stud. He looked on the bed next to him, but Callisto was nowhere to be found. Neither were his clothes. Anywhere.  
  
Panic washed over him as he deliberated how to get home without any clothes. He ran to her closet and pulled out the first thing he touched. He threw it on and ran into the other room. The other room was the bathroom. Trunks concluded that the apartment must be inhabited by poltergeists that made the door to the apartment disappear in order to trap him inside forever. Of course. What were *you* thinking? You thought Trunks would realize he walked into the wrong room? Ha! Obviously you haven't been reading enough of my stuff!  
  
He stepped into the shower and turned it on. He stood there making "bubbity-bubbity-bubbity" sounds with his fingers strumming across his lips.  
  
Callisto was making coffee in the kitchen and heard the water to the shower turn on. She decided to surprise Trunks. She still thought he was the cutest thing ever, even if he always failed miserably in bed.  
  
When she opened the bathroom door, she saw Trunks standing in the tub wearing her pink teddy with a furry trim. And it was soaking wet. She didn't know whether to laugh or to call the police. So she took a picture. That way, she could figure out what to do later.  
  
But for the time being, Callisto turned the water off. Trunks didn't even blink, so she slapped him across the face. Trunks was overcome by the shock of the slap, and he fell. He fell and hit his head. Good lord, that's all we need, Trunks hitting his head in the tub…  
  
So what is to become of Trunks now? Oh the possibilities… But I'll post it another day. Hee hee hee hee… 


	6. LAST CHAPTER! *sob* how sad

A/N: So Trunks has hit his head after falling in the tub? Fab-u-lous. And in looking back over this story, I also realized that no one has died yet! This has to be the longest any character has ever survived in my stories! Hahahahaha… I'm starting to lose focus because it's late and I'm jacked up on caffeine. And on that note…  
  
SIXTH (AND FINAL) CHAPTER!  
  
I don't feel like writing what happened at Callisto's apartment anymore. Let's just say he couldn't get any dumber or crazier from hitting his head in the tub. Callisto finally shows him the door outside. After a "quickie." Yeah. Exactly.  
  
***  
  
***  
  
***  
  
Sooo… Trunks returned home. He walked in and for the first time in days, his mother was not sitting at the kitchen table. Frankly, everything was really quiet. *Too* quiet. *Much* too quiet. INSANELY quiet.  
  
Then Trunks took his head out of the microwave. The, uh, sound proof microwave. So anyway…  
  
With his head out of the microwave, Trunks was able to hear Bulma yelling at Vegeta from upstairs. Trunks thought nothing of this, because his parents yelled at each other often. In fact, the sound was somewhat relieving. Things seemed normal again. Normal and hopefully it would be normal forever, again.  
  
"forever, again" …think about that one  
  
Trunks went upstairs to see his little sister. He had been meaning to kill her for eating his clothes way back in Chapter Two. Trunks walked into Bra's room and was shocked out of his mind before he even had the chance to remember that she didn't *really* eat his clothes (it was just Bulma being insane).  
  
What he saw almost made his eyes fall out of his head. It's a good thing the micro-waves had made them expand, that way they were stuck in there. As good as glue. But in case they weren't, Trunks took out some Crazy Glue and rubbed it on his eyes. Ahhh, that must feel good.  
  
Socks. Haha! SOCKS! Trunks saw socks EVERYWHERE. ALL OVER Bra's room. Just scattered about, in her bed, hanging out of her drawers, off her lamps, on her dresser, in the clothes she was wearing. But they weren't even colored socks or anything. All white, ankle-high socks.  
  
Who could have done this? Hmmm.  
  
'Yawn, how boring,' thought Trunks. Then he walked out of Bra's room completely unimpressed. As I'm sure you would be.  
  
Trunks was headed to his room, when he passed his parent's room. Again, yelling. Bulma yelling. Trunks thought, 'Kami, can't she ever speak in a decibel range that doesn't make a person's ears bleed? It's a good thing I'm not a person.' Then Trunks started singing "Particle Man" (by They Might Be Giants).  
  
"Person man, Person man… hit on the head with a frying pan. Uhhhh, la la la… Person Man." He forgot all the lyrics. Figures. So Trunks walked into his parent's room to see if his loss of hearing was for any good reason.  
  
He saw Bulma in the middle of the room. Standing. Sorta. She may have been standing at some point, but she was buried in socks up to her neck.  
  
Vegeta was sitting in the corner. He was surrounded by thousands of boring, white socks and laughing maniacally. "Ha ha ha ha! Stupid woman! Look at who has won!! Me!! Ha ha! I win, I win!!"  
  
Then Trunks noticed Vegeta had a sock on each of his hands. There were eyes drawn on each sock with black yarn hair glued on. The sock on his left hand appeared to have a pink shirt colored on its "body," while the sock on his left hand was "wearing" and orange shirt that said "Kakar-" (he ran out of room for the whole name).  
  
Vegeta looked at the "Goku sock" and made it talk to the "Vegeta sock."  
  
Goku sock - "You don't win, Vegeta. You are weaker than me and so I'll always win."  
  
Vegeta sock - "No! I am the strongest! I am your Prince. Bow down before me!"  
  
Goku sock - "Oh Vegeta! You are right! How stupid I am. I pledge my allegiance to you. I'll do whatever you want."  
  
Vegeta sock - "Hahahaha. No! Get away from me!"  
  
Vegeta threw the Goku sock up in the air and blasted it with the Vegeta sock-hand. "Goku" was destroyed. But so was "Vegeta." Vegeta began to cry.  
  
"I killed myself! Nooooooo! Damn him! Damn Kakarott! Even when I win, I lose! Stupid 'engine that could.' I must learn its secrets."  
  
Then Bulma started yelling again. Vegeta stood and shoved the burnt Vegeta sock into her mouth. Trunks was done watching. He walked into the room. But before he could speak, Vegeta tackled him and pinned him on the sock- carpeted floor.  
  
"Ahhhh, my Prince of Socks has returned. Welcome home, my son. Now you see fruits of your labors. The mission is complete! Colonization of the socks has begun! Wooooo! Capsule Corporation is under our command! Soon, we shall rule this Mudball planet, the humans call Earth! Bwahahahaha!"  
  
Trunks threw Vegeta across the room and ran away. He didn't know what the hell else to do.  
  
Trunks opened the front door and ran directly into a woman dressed in a short short *short* skirt. Waaaaay too short skirt. And a purple, glittery halter top. And black, teased hair, and heavy makeup.  
  
They both fell to the ground. She tried to apologize but Trunks interrupted, "No time! Quick! Come with me!"  
  
Trunks took off into the air, carrying the woman with him. He could hear Vegeta inside singing "Vegeta Owns a lot of Socks" (which sounded a lot like Mary Had a Little Lamb). Trunks released a Burning attack at Capsule Corporation and destroyed it.  
  
Ka-Boom. All gone.  
  
The woman spoke, "Trunks! How could you do that?! You killed your family!!!"  
  
Trunks squinted at the woman he was holding in his arms. It. Was. Goten.  
  
In drag.  
  
"What the hell?!"  
  
"Trunks, it's me. Goten. I saw this picture of you in a pink teddy with furry trim on the internet and… and I heard you were prostituting yourself to men in drag, so I wanted…"  
  
"NO! DON'T EVEN SAY IT! AHHHH!"  
  
And Trunks threw Goten into the crater where Capsule Corp. used to be. Then he released hundreds of ki blasts into the area, obliterating everything within half a mile.  
  
Out of breath, Trunks flew down to the crater and got his sword. He *needed* his sword, ok?! Then he flew into the city, shirtless and wearing jeans, his leather jacket, and sword on his back. He found Callisto and she helped him become the best male whore ever. The End.  
  
  
  
HA! That's it. It's 4:30 in the morning. Several hours and numerous pots of coffee later, I am done. If you want to read more of this kinda stuff… check out my other Humor stories. None of them are very long. 


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